Letters from Tescos

scouse1 · by **scouse1** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 1:31 pm

Dear Mrs. Scouse1

Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of
the Tesco Loyalty Card,
the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months, all
verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an Official
tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department
and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could Help
him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle, asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the Mission Impossible' theme.

11. November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna
look' using different size funnels.

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed,
yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the fetal position and screamed 'NO! NO!It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

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Now playing: Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil